[It takes her a few moments to decipher this. Mostly what it succeeds in is making her confused about what's provoked this, and upset on his behalf. If it's really as common as he's making it out to be, then why is it hitting him this hard? She even knows his brother's here, so it's not like he's completely without a support system like her.
It's still not adding up-- but if he does believe the things that he's saying, it's obvious that her duty is to express her disagreement.]
Of course they can be blamed, [she says in mounting frustration, disliking how much at sea she feels with this whole conversation.] Where is all of this coming from? I've never seen you like this. Not that we're boon companions or anything, but all the flowery god language isn't usually this... flowery.
Just tell me what's going on. [More imploring,] You didn't just steal some windows and have someone attack you. You wouldn't be this upset. [Based on standard Scooby coping strategies, that would be like Tuesday. Tumult this bad only means one thing: Loki's made a mistake somewhere he's trying to rapidly cover his tracks over, or there's an interpersonal conflict at the root. Her hard earned Hellmouth experience doesn't lie.]
[ Loki's brow furrows like he might have expected her to get what he was trying to express. He honestly didn't expect the conversation to start to push in this direction. It feels like she's picking up on things that he wasn't laying out, and it is vexing.
His language is plainer after he takes just a moment, sorting his way through his words. ]
Were it just me, not being able to hold my own has no consequence. But it isn't anymore, and no one else can afford the cost of my failures if they progress. Too much happens I don't intend.
[Although the words used are entirely different and they're extremely dissimilar people, the sentiment echoes strongly in her ears of Buffy. She'd taken on so much weight and started to buckle under the pressure, cracks showing as more and more of her support was stripped away. Buffy had always been strong enough to come through, do what needed to be done, but Willow had wished every step of the way that there was more she could do. Seeing her friends go through pain is unspeakably hard on her.
She says much the same thing here that she'd say to Buffy if it were her, though less openly emotional. There'd definitely have been a hug involved if it were Buffy, video call or no video call.]
You don't have to fix it by yourself, [she says gently, aching with quiet sympathy.] I'll help you. And I wouldn't let anyone kill you even if you did steal their windows.
[It's maybe a strange sounding declaration of friendship, but it's one that makes perfect sense to Willow.]
[ Something just happened here and he isn't entirely certain what. He can make anything work, of course. He will, but it doesn't change his concern.
But she was doing that thing again. The one he instinctively wants to resent her for, but never seems to have the motivation to go that far. Once in a while, he finds himself without a quick response and its never particularity comfortable. He wishes very much he could figure out what angle she had for this, but looking at her in wordless surprise and confusion wasn't going to help that. ]
You will?
[ Some part of him wonders if she's just managed to hook him, because he's damn sure he hasn't caught her. Still, he'll roll with it until it all becomes clear. ]
[Suddenly, with that one stilted question, many of the things that hadn't been fitting together snap into place.
He's used to being alone. Used to being the villain. And above all, not used to having any help given simply out of loyalty. Willow can't say she'll be mindlessly supportive-- she'll still be vocal about her opinion of amoral acts, still draw the line on certain spells-- but there's an underlying solidity of friendship that she's realizing Loki doesn't know exists.
A lot of the frustration clears from her expression, and she lightens her tone to mock scold him,] Duh. Didn't you get the memo? We're friends, silly.
What do you need done? [It's a matter of fact question levied from someone who plays the role of sidekick as instinctively as breathing.] Or do you just want to vent right now?
Oh. Well... [ Now he knows he lost this round of his increasingly convoluted game, but he's not sure that is going to be a bad thing. All he had to do was be wary. If he watches as he always does, he'll be prepared when it inevitably is turned against him. It won't be pleasant when it happens.
Yet this will be nice while it lasts. He offers her a lopsided smile as if her jest were amusing rather that worrying. ]
I can't change my story alone. [ Loki wonders if he ought to explain the way gods worked, but decides to get the startling part out of the way. Far from his originally dramatic planned reveal, he admits underwhelmingly: ] I need to grow up, and I bet you have excellent penmanship.
[She hasn't the slightest clue that he's worried or wary. Willow might not be gullible, but she is trusting, and she generally believes what someone's showing her, even when she knows their title is Liesmith. It's both a fault and a strength.
Right now, it's not serving her too badly, given that the histrionics seem over with and they're onto the puzzling reveal of what he's looking for.] Isn't it supposed to be you with the penmanship if it's your story? [Look, it's not an immediate leap to think he means he literally needs to grow up right now.]
I think there's too much metaphor in my helping. Explain?
[ He bites his lower lip, losing the smile in favor of thoughtfulness. That confirms one thing, she doesn't know how his kind work. He can't lie about it, but he can make it work for him.
It takes little for him to slip into the role of the teacher over the schemer despite how battered he's feeling. It was as natural a part of his trickster role as any of the more malicious traits he embodied, and one he finds himself increasingly fond of. It helps him shove down the doubts he had, and force his second-guessing into the background. He would share this with her, and maybe she'd be able to help him break all the rules.
It would be for the good of everyone if she did. ]
It's more literal than metaphor, excepting the pen. What do you think the difference between god and mortal is?
[More literal than metaphor? That means he wants to be older, which he's jokingly alluded to before, but Willow hadn't thought--
Wait, question. She thinks that over, suddenly uncertain and remembering what Giles had told them about Glory.] Gods are super powerful immortal beings from other dimensions? [she says hazily.] Some of them were on Earth for a while and got some worshipers, some have worshipers in their home dimension.
Good start, but you missed the big one: we're not supposed to have free will like your kind do. We are what we must be, and change to our fundamental nature is supposed to be impossible.
[ It's said almost as if it were a matter of academic interest, but it starts to unravel as he elaborates. Earnestness and erratic behavior like to go hand in hand with him, though he's dimly aware it might not help his case. ]
But I've been cheating. My last incarnation was destroyed when he thought he could get away from fate, but I think I really can. He got me so far that I can even want that for myself, and I think I know how to get the rest of the way. You're a human, you can do whatever you want. We could pull off the greatest of tricks if we tried.
[There's a lot to unpack here, and she has little frame of reference. Her brows knit together, but she's sobering into the attentive seriousness of someone absorbing exposition and waiting for the game plan to be revealed.]
You really don't have free will? [she asks quietly, eyes somber.] You're... supposed to be a lying trickster god for eternity? [A beat.] And you want to be something else?
Being a trickster god isn't really that bad. I'm actually quite likeable, I think! You like me.
[ There's an almost questioning lilt to the way he says that last sentence. He's still playing with the idea that she could really like him, and it feels strange. ]
But it's worse than that, I'm supposed to be evil. And that's... really dumb and everyone will hate me for a reason this time and it'll be awful.
Well, sure, [she agrees easily, barely stopping to acknowledge the point. It's pretty obvious to Willow that she likes him, however ill-advised that is.
But the rest of this is really concerning to her, and she bites at her lower lip briefly before continuing, eyes openly worried.] But I don't want you to be evil, [she complains.] That complicates liking you. I'm all for the not evil.
I think it so, truly. I would sooner cease to be than turn into that, but not even that would be something I could accomplish alone.
[ A pause that seems very much like hesitation draws the moment out a bit longer. It's very precisely calculated. ]
Gods are tales told, so it's not so wrong to change a line or two, is it? To sort through the deck of possibilities and pick out the one that's just a little different?
[The calculation is unnecessary, because truthfully, she was sold the second she realized he was meant to be evil and was trying to find a way to escape his fate. That was something Willow could at least empathize with. She was determined not to fall into the trap of being evil again herself, and anything she could do to keep another force of good in the world was completely worthwhile to her. He could've been a total stranger and she'd have tried to help, but he's not a stranger, and that makes her doubly convinced.
Her eyes are open and clear with earnest worry.] No, of course not, [she agrees.] You shouldn't be forced to be anything, Loki. What do you need me to do?
[He'd just said he couldn't accomplish it alone, that humans had free will and they could pull off a trick. Willow's not stupid. She knows how powerful she is and she's used to being back up. She's aching to be back up, honestly.]
Lots? [ Right then, Loki decides he can't try to puzzle his way through this anymore. He lets out a slow, shaky breath as he seems to be trying to regather his thoughts. When he does, he seems to have deflated somewhat as if he's managed to wear himself out. There's a faint trembling to his hand as he brings it up to rub over his face in a tired gesture, and then he's smiling again. It's a fragile expression, but genuine. ]
It's no weekend project, rather a complicated ritual working. Altering reality always is without a special knack for it. [ Briefly, there's an unusual intentness in his gaze as if he's scrutinizing the image of her for something in particular, but it's quickly gone. ]
We'd be channeling through what I could be versus what I am. It's a lot of weight, and you'll be getting your hands dirty with the very stuff a god like me is made of. [ Unfathomable, self-destructive chaos, basically. He omits that part, though he imagines she has an idea just on an academic basis alone. ]
I can work with you through the technical parts, but it'd be your will and power that makes it function.
[Conversely, as nervous as Willow is about doing what he needs her to do, she's relieved to see him finally showing some of the fragility she's sure he's feeling. This isn't just a life-altering issue, it's a destiny-altering one, and she's familiar enough with those from supporting Buffy for the past seven years to understand the difference it makes. He has to be feeling pretty vulnerable and isolated right now. He just has to be.
But Willow knows him well enough at this point to understand that he wouldn't want to display it. That he's letting her see even a glimpse here is encouraging as an indication that he must be growing to trust her. Willow has such a short selection of friends here that it means a lot to her to have one of the few demonstrate that, even if they were thrown together by circumstance and not by choice. It means that she feels obligated to live up to his request, no matter how intimidating she finds it.]
I've changed destinies before, [she admits after a moment, reluctant to reveal the depth of her power but serious and humble when she does it.] The Slayer that I mentioned? I Called to power all of the girls that could be the Slayer but weren't. The Potentials. I didn't know if I could do it but I-- I did.
If you can show me what to do... [She takes a deep breath, recognizing this as the moment of commitment.] I'll need some time to get ready, make sure I can connect with the magics here like I need to. But I'll try.
You-- You shouldn't have to live like that. [And it's really that simple to her.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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It's still not adding up-- but if he does believe the things that he's saying, it's obvious that her duty is to express her disagreement.]
Of course they can be blamed, [she says in mounting frustration, disliking how much at sea she feels with this whole conversation.] Where is all of this coming from? I've never seen you like this. Not that we're boon companions or anything, but all the flowery god language isn't usually this... flowery.
Just tell me what's going on. [More imploring,] You didn't just steal some windows and have someone attack you. You wouldn't be this upset. [Based on standard Scooby coping strategies, that would be like Tuesday. Tumult this bad only means one thing: Loki's made a mistake somewhere he's trying to rapidly cover his tracks over, or there's an interpersonal conflict at the root. Her hard earned Hellmouth experience doesn't lie.]
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[ Loki's brow furrows like he might have expected her to get what he was trying to express. He honestly didn't expect the conversation to start to push in this direction. It feels like she's picking up on things that he wasn't laying out, and it is vexing.
His language is plainer after he takes just a moment, sorting his way through his words. ]
Were it just me, not being able to hold my own has no consequence. But it isn't anymore, and no one else can afford the cost of my failures if they progress. Too much happens I don't intend.
And I can't fix it by myself.
[ He's really bad at asking for help, too. ]
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She says much the same thing here that she'd say to Buffy if it were her, though less openly emotional. There'd definitely have been a hug involved if it were Buffy, video call or no video call.]
You don't have to fix it by yourself, [she says gently, aching with quiet sympathy.] I'll help you. And I wouldn't let anyone kill you even if you did steal their windows.
[It's maybe a strange sounding declaration of friendship, but it's one that makes perfect sense to Willow.]
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But she was doing that thing again. The one he instinctively wants to resent her for, but never seems to have the motivation to go that far. Once in a while, he finds himself without a quick response and its never particularity comfortable. He wishes very much he could figure out what angle she had for this, but looking at her in wordless surprise and confusion wasn't going to help that. ]
You will?
[ Some part of him wonders if she's just managed to hook him, because he's damn sure he hasn't caught her. Still, he'll roll with it until it all becomes clear. ]
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He's used to being alone. Used to being the villain. And above all, not used to having any help given simply out of loyalty. Willow can't say she'll be mindlessly supportive-- she'll still be vocal about her opinion of amoral acts, still draw the line on certain spells-- but there's an underlying solidity of friendship that she's realizing Loki doesn't know exists.
A lot of the frustration clears from her expression, and she lightens her tone to mock scold him,] Duh. Didn't you get the memo? We're friends, silly.
What do you need done? [It's a matter of fact question levied from someone who plays the role of sidekick as instinctively as breathing.] Or do you just want to vent right now?
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Yet this will be nice while it lasts. He offers her a lopsided smile as if her jest were amusing rather that worrying. ]
I can't change my story alone. [ Loki wonders if he ought to explain the way gods worked, but decides to get the startling part out of the way. Far from his originally dramatic planned reveal, he admits underwhelmingly: ] I need to grow up, and I bet you have excellent penmanship.
no subject
Right now, it's not serving her too badly, given that the histrionics seem over with and they're onto the puzzling reveal of what he's looking for.] Isn't it supposed to be you with the penmanship if it's your story? [Look, it's not an immediate leap to think he means he literally needs to grow up right now.]
I think there's too much metaphor in my helping. Explain?
no subject
It takes little for him to slip into the role of the teacher over the schemer despite how battered he's feeling. It was as natural a part of his trickster role as any of the more malicious traits he embodied, and one he finds himself increasingly fond of. It helps him shove down the doubts he had, and force his second-guessing into the background. He would share this with her, and maybe she'd be able to help him break all the rules.
It would be for the good of everyone if she did. ]
It's more literal than metaphor, excepting the pen. What do you think the difference between god and mortal is?
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Wait, question. She thinks that over, suddenly uncertain and remembering what Giles had told them about Glory.] Gods are super powerful immortal beings from other dimensions? [she says hazily.] Some of them were on Earth for a while and got some worshipers, some have worshipers in their home dimension.
What am I missing?
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[ It's said almost as if it were a matter of academic interest, but it starts to unravel as he elaborates. Earnestness and erratic behavior like to go hand in hand with him, though he's dimly aware it might not help his case. ]
But I've been cheating. My last incarnation was destroyed when he thought he could get away from fate, but I think I really can. He got me so far that I can even want that for myself, and I think I know how to get the rest of the way. You're a human, you can do whatever you want. We could pull off the greatest of tricks if we tried.
Do you get it now?
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[There's a lot to unpack here, and she has little frame of reference. Her brows knit together, but she's sobering into the attentive seriousness of someone absorbing exposition and waiting for the game plan to be revealed.]
You really don't have free will? [she asks quietly, eyes somber.] You're... supposed to be a lying trickster god for eternity? [A beat.] And you want to be something else?
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[ There's an almost questioning lilt to the way he says that last sentence. He's still playing with the idea that she could really like him, and it feels strange. ]
But it's worse than that, I'm supposed to be evil. And that's... really dumb and everyone will hate me for a reason this time and it'll be awful.
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But the rest of this is really concerning to her, and she bites at her lower lip briefly before continuing, eyes openly worried.] But I don't want you to be evil, [she complains.] That complicates liking you. I'm all for the not evil.
And it's-- it's so unfair to you.
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[ A pause that seems very much like hesitation draws the moment out a bit longer. It's very precisely calculated. ]
Gods are tales told, so it's not so wrong to change a line or two, is it? To sort through the deck of possibilities and pick out the one that's just a little different?
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Her eyes are open and clear with earnest worry.] No, of course not, [she agrees.] You shouldn't be forced to be anything, Loki. What do you need me to do?
[He'd just said he couldn't accomplish it alone, that humans had free will and they could pull off a trick. Willow's not stupid. She knows how powerful she is and she's used to being back up. She's aching to be back up, honestly.]
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It's no weekend project, rather a complicated ritual working. Altering reality always is without a special knack for it. [ Briefly, there's an unusual intentness in his gaze as if he's scrutinizing the image of her for something in particular, but it's quickly gone. ]
We'd be channeling through what I could be versus what I am. It's a lot of weight, and you'll be getting your hands dirty with the very stuff a god like me is made of. [ Unfathomable, self-destructive chaos, basically. He omits that part, though he imagines she has an idea just on an academic basis alone. ]
I can work with you through the technical parts, but it'd be your will and power that makes it function.
no subject
But Willow knows him well enough at this point to understand that he wouldn't want to display it. That he's letting her see even a glimpse here is encouraging as an indication that he must be growing to trust her. Willow has such a short selection of friends here that it means a lot to her to have one of the few demonstrate that, even if they were thrown together by circumstance and not by choice. It means that she feels obligated to live up to his request, no matter how intimidating she finds it.]
I've changed destinies before, [she admits after a moment, reluctant to reveal the depth of her power but serious and humble when she does it.] The Slayer that I mentioned? I Called to power all of the girls that could be the Slayer but weren't. The Potentials. I didn't know if I could do it but I-- I did.
If you can show me what to do... [She takes a deep breath, recognizing this as the moment of commitment.] I'll need some time to get ready, make sure I can connect with the magics here like I need to. But I'll try.
You-- You shouldn't have to live like that. [And it's really that simple to her.]